I was adopted from China at 9 months old to white parents. While there are many positives to my upbringing here, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I were to still be in my birth country. As a child, there would be Chinese New Year celebrations with other Chinese adoptees that I would attend. So my “Asianess”  was never a doubt in my mind: it was just a portion of my identity that made up who I was. I was never treated any differently than my white peers, cause after all, we’re all human. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing though. As I grew older, the more disconnected I felt. It was a type of limbo, not fitting in with the demographic I was raised around, and not fitting in with fellow Asians that got to grow up firsthand with some of their culture and heritage intact. I have since been trying to find various ways to integrate Asian culture, not even just my own Chinese heritage, into my life. Whether it be cooking the cuisine or participating in related events. Joining the HAAPI group has greatly aided in lessening the disconnect I feel. I am forever thankful for the welcoming and uplifting environment they have created. 

Becoming one with my Asian American identity was and will be a continuous journey of learning, self discovery, sadness, happiness, and everything in between. As I continue to seek out more surrounding my own history, feeling melancholic that I will never understand it in the same way I would have if I hadn’t been adopted, I am excited to explore it all. I may not fully feel like I understand what it means to be Asian American, but I am proud of being one. There is no monolith to what one’s identity or background is, and there are so many different identities that make up “me”. I embrace all of them wholeheartedly.